Britain’s greatest astrologer dies of a heart attack having predicted own death — he saw that one coming! Find out what he says from beyond the grave
Jonathan Cainer, father of eight and described by Russell Grant as “quite simply, Britain’s greatest astrologer”, died of a heart-attack over the bank holiday weekend. Displaying his gifts for the last time his reading for those born under the ninth, Western Zodiac sign of Sagittarius read as follows:
We’re not here for long. So make the most of every moment.
Cainer, himself, was a Sagittarius. Uncanny.
A former vegetable entrepreneur “he tried single-handedly to introduce alfalfa sprouts to the North of England, which was a bit optimistic:” said his brother Daniel. “Every week I’d help him drive lorry loads of rotting alfalfa sprouts to the dump. It didn’t take off.” He fell into the competitive astrology game by happy accident. He was a natural and in short order became a global leader with 12 million followers around the world. His horoscopes have been translated into Japanese, Spanish, Italian and Chinese.
To the end he remained a fervent fan of purple. Entering his London pied a terre was described by one visitor as “like walking into a bottle of Ribena.”
Everything was purple — the rug, the sofas, the flowers, the velvet walls, the incense stick-burning. He even favoured purple shirts.
The reason was simple: “Purple is the colour of Sagittarius, of course,” explained Cainer.
Generously and, because he could see so far into the future as to be able to do a job lot of horoscopes in advance, he is still astrologising and below you will find the guts of the Great Astrologer’s horoscopes for today. When people speak from beyond the grave, it pays to listen. He called his own death… what might he have to say about your revision schedules:
(Comes complete with famous lawyers from every star sign)
Aries: March 21 — April 20 (Clarence Darrow)
Once we make our minds up about some matter that has been a source of confusion to us, we are reluctant to change it. That’s all well and good — as long as what we know now definitely is wiser than what we knew then. Are you quite sure of that today?
Not good. Have the last few months, God forbid, years been for nothing. Are you any the wiser than when you arrived at uni? Are you quite sure? Really?
Taurus: April 21 — May 21 (Tony Blair)
If we are too inclined to rest on our laurels or to shrug our shoulders and walk away from anything that looks daunting, we won’t find out what we are capable of and the enormous difference it would make to our own lives and the lives of others.
Back to work. You know nothing. Stop shrugging your shoulders. It’s only land law. Think how much you will be able to help others if you pass it!!
Gemini: May 22 — June 22 (Elle Woods and Robert Rinder)
It isn’t always that we become disillusioned; we just recognise new ways to look at old arguments. Might that be happening to you now?
Is that you in the corner of the library re-reading Donoghue v Stevenson and punching the air?
Cancer: June 23 — July 23 (Nelson Mandela)
Donkeys, so we are told, are motivated by a carrot or a stick. But you and I are not donkeys. While we may still be enticed with the equivalent of a carrot, we surely don’t need to be driven by fear. How dare anyone or anything intimidate us? What gives us the right to do that to ourselves? Only what inspires you deserves respect today.
And let’s face it, Oh non-donkey one, that is unlikely to be revising law.
Leo: July 24 — August 23 (Barack Obama)
Why does it sometimes seem as if the more problems we solve, the more we have left to solve? Do we, therefore, make life harder for ourselves, the more we try to make it easier? Actually, you are making good progress now and will soon have cause to feel glad.
Great. That’s a guaranteed First. Time to put your feet up. Thank you, Jonathan, wherever you may be.
Virgo: August 24 — September 23 (Cherie Blair)
We feel high when we are successful. We drop low when it seems as if our plans are not coming together. Can it really be wise for us to allow our own moods to rise and fall like yo-yos on strings? Must we be so vulnerable to the false gods of triumph and despair? Today, more than you need to win, you need to beat a fear of losing.
Losing what, though? Your notes? Your textbooks? Your lucky pen?
Libra: September 24 — October 23 (Sadiq Khan)
The people who think they have all the answers are always the folk who aren’t asking the right questions. What matters today is not the subject that is absorbing most of your attention and energy. It is the issue that you have become inclined to overlook. When you get a brief reminder about what else may matter, seize on that.
Aggh. Yup, it is time to address that part of the course that you have been hoping, and, with increasing fervour as every day passes, praying does not come up. Seize the book.
Scorpio: October 24 — November 22 (Hillary Clinton)
If you are about to enter a pool or a bath, you would be well advised to dip your toe in the water to see whether it is too cold or too hot. Today’s events help you to overcome an unnecessary concern.
With the heat rising, literally and metaphorically, some useful hygiene advice for the student who has built up a sweat hitting those books.
Sagittarius: November 23 — December 21 (Lord Sumption)
Life is very short and there’s no time for fussing and fighting my friend…’ So sang The Beatles in We Can Work It Out. Did they work it out? You may not have all the answers, but you have enough to make today a good day.
A truly great day for revising. Perhaps with the Beatles playing on a loop in the background?
Capricorn: December 22 — January 20 (Lord Neuberger)
None of us know who any of us really are! Yet it seems, today, you are making a discovery about who you really are and what (rather magically) that may mean for your future.
What now? With a commercial law exam coming up in less than a fortnight. Does it really have to be today…talk about inconvenient.
Aquarius: January 21 – February 19 (Baroness Hale and Lord Denning)
The world, it seems, is full of other people
Most of whom are almost certainly working harder than you. Hit those books.
Pisces: February 20 — March 20 (Robert Kardashian)
When you went to school, they gave you lots of information. They also taught you how you should and shouldn’t behave. Do you find that, with the passing of the years, you now have to accept that some of what they taught you was wrong?
Help! Who can you trust?