Is any Lord Chancellor safe?
Weeks after being handed the Cabinet position by Theresa May, new Justice Secretary David Lidington has been hung out to dry by a brilliant new parody account.
The unknown tweeter, who at the time of writing has just 250 followers, documents the day-to-day struggles faced by Lidington. You’ll notice instantly there’s a particular focus on dry cleaning, this because the MP hit headlines some years back when he claimed over £1,000 in dry cleaning expenses. Here are a couple of examples:
I had a journalist on the phone this morning. He told switchboard he was calling from my dry-cleaners with bad news. I took the call. Damn! pic.twitter.com/MRBx3245BN
— Dave Lidington (@DaveLidington) July 5, 2017
On my way to Petty France. Just swinging by the dry cleaners to pick up a dozen suits I dropped in yesterday. Lucky Mrs L reminded me! pic.twitter.com/NZmLYvBiQE
— Dave Lidington (@DaveLidington) July 5, 2017
I keep finding long blond hairs all over the office – and my suits. I feel a full deep cleanse & dry clean needed. On expenses, naturally. pic.twitter.com/G0Ul0HA8fN
— Dave Lidington (@DaveLidington) July 4, 2017
Away from his laundry escapades, parody Dave also spends a lot of time tweeting about his enthusiasm for bettering the prison service:
Musing on a new motto for HM Prison Service… How about 'What goes on in prison stays in prison?' No need to trouble the general public. pic.twitter.com/iGkLiINLKd
— Dave Lidington (@DaveLidington) July 4, 2017
Just clearing my predecessor's desk out. Found this report on the uselessness of Sex Offender Treatment Programmes. Shredded that quickly! pic.twitter.com/9QiQuluvBP
— Dave Lidington (@DaveLidington) July 4, 2017
Setting targets is essential. 100,000 in our prison system by Christmas? We need to be ambitious (& fill all those new prison bunks). pic.twitter.com/RlVFm7B2zi
— Dave Lidington (@DaveLidington) July 4, 2017
Lidington is not the only Lord Chancellor to be graced with a parody account. @RealLizTruss had us, and thousands more followers, in stitches during Truss’ very short tenure as head of the Ministry of Justice.
Every family in Britain will benefit from our new prisons. I fully expect to be jailing at least one member of every single family by 2020. pic.twitter.com/V9Ia1WLS5a
— Lizzie Truss (@RealLizTruss) May 19, 2017
From 1 April 2017 all prisoners have been recategorised as badgers under the Wildlife Act (1981). Now they can be gassed or clubbed. pic.twitter.com/Auho9GCmGc
— Lizzie Truss (@RealLizTruss) May 7, 2017
The high calibre of Truss-y tweets gives us confidence Lidington will be just as funny: the accounts are run by the same person! They told us Truss was “an absolute dream to parody”, but that Dave will pose more challenges. They continued:
Whereas Liz provided much of the material herself — some of her comments really are beyond parody — Dave is a very different character. I voiced Liz as being nice, but a bit dim and ignorant of the law, prisons, etc, as well as being pretty self-centered and lazy. Dave is still in development, but his main characteristics are being a bit domestic (in his real tweets he calls his wife ‘Mrs L’, so I’m doing the same) and slightly obsessive about dry cleaning.
Let’s hope the anonymous comedy marvel enjoys documenting Lidington’s antics as much as he has Truss’.
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