US intellectual property lawyer Eric Mirabel — aka legal rapper E.P.M. — has released a new version of his paean to IP. It’s amazing.
This is Houston-based IP lawyer Eric P. Mirabel (pictured above), aka E.P.M. (pictured below).
Earlier this month Mirabel released an updated video of his rap, ‘IP Lawyer Lament’. It features, amongst other things, the destruction of an old computer…
…the downing of Rémy Martin Cognac from the bottle…
…and skipping
But the perhaps the best thing about the extraordinary video — which can be enjoyed in full below — are the accompanying lyrics, which Mirabel has published separately and interwoven with a series of caveat-laden footnotes. They include a warning that “it is not possible to patent human beings or any part of them, including their genes, under any US or foreign patent law(s)” and an explanatory reference to deals that led up to Tanox Inc, an important biotech industry initial public offering (IPO). The lyrics are re-transcribed beneath the video, with the footnotes in bold.
IP Lawyer Lament
When people wanna know what kind of lawyer I am…
My key is expertise, hire me you’ll upturn,
Fat fees? No — I don’t squeeze; make all your concerns scat,
Ease getting your patents. You don’t have to yearn that,
Cause I know IP, my record affirms that,
They want war? Forewarned: I’ve got the confirmed stats,
Run up the score for you, this is what I earn at,
You want patents? you don’t have to yearn that,
Cause I know IP, my record affirms that,
Those Lawyers that, make a living on catastrophe,
Say, my kinda laws geeky, well feel free to laugh at me,
Choose work for your mind, Mom* preached education,
[*Helga Mirabel, 1924-1987]
Its not money, study! Books sitting there waiting,
Thanks to her, most cases don’t take ’em,
Ambulances don’t chase ’em,
[Those] clients not injured most faking,
No divorces they’re crazy, criminals shoot me don’t pay me,
Yet, judges still quote papers I wrote, like: what say me? Replay me*
[*Courts have cited articles I have written several times, including citations by the Federal Circuit Court of Appeals in two different cases in 2009]
Companies that hired me became rich, successful*,
Its Patents and IP made their corporate chests full,
[*Tanox, Inc. — largest IPO in biotech history in April, 2000; in 2007: sold for almost 1Billion to Genentech. BioArray Solutions Ltd. — Immucor, Inc. acquired it in 2008 and announced that the patent portfolio was a motivator in the acquisition]
I’m protecting high techno, try to take it, I’ll get you,
I aim high, inside pitches, then let go,
Duck away or take hits, like Astros’ great, Craig Biggio*,
[*The Houston Astros future Hall of Famer was famous for playing close to the plate while at bat, and “taking one for the team” to get on base]
Read your pre-nup [which term refers to agreements generally; not marriage-related];
Can’t hit balls teed up,
Adversaries get buried, dig em up, I’ll clean up!
When other lawyers meet, they invite me to speak*
[*I have presented several times at meetings]
[Haters] so frightened can’t sleep,
Far too scared for counting sheep,
I’m a bunker buster missile digging deep,
I’m seeking out the heat,
When the target system beeps, the reaper reaps,
I Twist up what’s written use it as ammunition,
I’ll gut your position or I’ll win by decision,
State court or federal I’m head-man,
I’ll own you like Oprah pull the strings on Stedman;
I do deals like I steal, I deserve wine with meals,
Office at no, no rent, the commute’s surreal;
Diagnostics or drugs to make sick people heal,
I won nearly all patents that I appealed*
[*I have effectively won over 80% of appeals I submitted for the two biotech companies (one primarily developed diagnostics and the other developed therapeutic drugs) where I was in-house counsel — over a 20 year period]
Things, you keep dear while I’m rhyming like Shakespeare, I’m taking,
Solve legal problems channeling Sir Francis Bacon*
[*1561-1626: English philosopher, statesman, scientist, lawyer, jurist and author]
Other Lawyers wish they had this kind of career
Cause I could patent your mama,*
Make you pay me to see her
*It is not possible to patent human beings or any part of them, including their genes, under any US or foreign patent law(s), pursuant BOTH to preexisting law and further to the 2013 United States Supreme Court decision in “Association for Molecular Pathology v. Myriad Genetics, 569 U.S. 12-398 (2013),” where the court held that even isolated DNA sequences — which are chemically different from and are not naturally occurring genes (and, naturally occurring genes are unpatentable, per the Court) — are often not patentable.