Wigapedia reveals the harsh reality behind the euphemisms used by the Legal 500 and Chambers & Partners to describe lawyers…
“A great analyst” = Pulls you up on all your typos
“Very thorough” = Usually reads almost all the papers. Unlike the solicitor
“Client friendly” = Usually buys lunch
“A name to note” = Dodgy, will probably steal the teacups in the mediation
“Direct” = Rude
“Robust” = Very rude
“Great advocacy skills” = Can’t write an advice for toffee
“In demand” = Too expensive
“Professional” = Shaves regularly
“Approachable” = Cheap
“Up and coming” = Very cheap
“Real attention to detail” = Can’t see the wood for the trees
“Committed” = Quite mad, borderline certifiable
“Well-regarded” = Stands his round at lunchtime
“Calm” = Usually appears to be asleep
“Best in her field” = Close friend of the Editor
“Formidable” (if male) = Formidable
“Formidable” (if female) = Probably a lesbian
“Knowledgeable” = Has his own White Book
“Empathetic” = Sometimes bursts into tears in conferences
“Patient” = Insists on very long conferences
“Practical” = Doesn’t know any law
“Succinct” = Writes short emails. Never answers the phone
“Resilient” = No spring chicken
“Focuses on the real issues” = Usually reads the instructions, but not the bundle
“Enthusiastic” = Will take on anything, no matter how rubbish it may be
“Authoritative” = A complete pain in the arse who treats the trainees like pond-life
“Cerebral” = Bald
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